I try very hard every day to do the right thing, behave well and all that stuff. It doesn’t always work, but I figure trying and failing has better results than not trying at all. I wrote about how I try to achieve this in Negative? Moi? a blog I wrote a few weeks ago so won’t bore you by repeating the details but please feel free to read it if you’d like.
Today I find myself in a situation which has affected others because I followed my personal ethics and didn’t say something when perhaps I should. I made a decision without consulting other people, because to have done so would have meant giving an opinion which could have been perceived as negative.
It wasn’t a matter of life or death, or illegal or threatening to anyone else, that would have been entirely different situation.
This was something as unimportant (in the scheme of things) as being asked my opinion on who would be a good fit for a proposed project. I failed to mention one person who I genuinely felt would not fit well in this particular group dynamic.
I didn’t mention her name or make any comment about her, just didn’t include her. I based the decision on my knowledge, preconceptions and, let’s face it, gut feelings.
In an expat community where everyone is living away from their home country people try hard to offer help, extend the hand of friendship, show kindness and include people in things – the United Nations would be proud.
In this current situation I said nothing but managed to convey information, make a judgement, without saying a word. I don’t feel good about it as the woman concerned later felt excluded.
As adults we learn we can’t be included in everything all the time, it would be a sad world if we did everything with the same people.
Being honest I will admit there have been times when my name hasn’t been on an invitation list and there’s been a tiny voice inside wondering plaintively, ‘what’s wrong with me?’. We’ve all been there but let’s get real, as adults we deal with it.
I love the fact my friends are involved in different things from me, it gives us so much to talk about when we get together. Through them I meet new people, make new friends and our circle grows. If I’m honest there are times I’m relieved not to be included in something, it saves me finding an excuse not to go.
I feel bad the woman concerned felt hurt and I want to be sure I did the right thing. Why? Because it matters to me – the only person I’m accountable to at the end of the day is the person who looks back in the mirror.
Did I genuinely exclude her name based only on the remit I was given, or do I have other issues I’m not facing. And would I make the same decision if I had to make it again?
Because if you asked me to recommend someone who is involved, committed, driven, engaged and works hard to get things done, then she’d be top of my list.
Glad that’s out of the way. Another coffee pot issue dealt with, which is a huge relief as I much prefer tea…