Day twenty-one of a thirty day blog challenge, two-thirds behind me and one-third to go. I should be feeling wonderful but sadly I don’t.

I’ve hit that wall where it’s too much effort to take a take the next step, where you start to question the reasons for starting in the first place. It seems such a trivial and insignificant thing to feel passionate about – why am I doing it, what’s the point? And at the end of the day who cares?

It’s very easy to feel sorry for yourself and difficult to stop that downward spiral when throwing in the towel seems the only viable option.So why do I feel this way? I know why I decided to start the challenge –

1.  learning to write faster and more effectively

2. working to deadlines

3. the discipline of sitting down to write a finished piece whether you feel like it or not

4. better time management

I’ve enjoyed every minute of the writing, that hasn’t been a problem at all. Nor has thinking of things to write, which is why I called this blog Wordgeyser. Trying to stem the flow of words inside my head, desperate to get out, is far more difficult.

I’ve looked forward each day to time spent writing, it’s a regular rhythm which gives me a sense of achievement, of structuring something out of random words or feelings. Some days are easier than others. I have many half written posts which went off in directions I didn’t expect and I’ll go back and explore them and see where they lead once the blog challenge is over.

Working to a deadline has been fun, pushing and challenging myself to see how far I can go, how much I can write in a given time, hopefully being more productive and increasing the quality of writing.

What I’ve really struggled with is time management. Blocking time to get this done would have been fine in the normal ebb and flow of life, but do it in a month when there are two long weekends away has been tough.

Not because I resent the intrusion, far from it, I want to be fully engaged with the people I’m with, refresh my brain, be inspired by them. It’s these times I’ve resented the writing, and have to remind myself why I started the project. It has been a huge learning curve, challenging yourself to be your best.

For some people it’s building up to do a 10km run or a marathon, learning a new skill, or taking up something left off years ago. For me it’s writing.

I have two projects I’m ready to begin working on this summer and in my heart this blog challenge has been a preparation for that. I’ve put minor projects on hold to see this challenge through and I’m looking forward to getting back on track with them too.

In the scheme of things this challenge isn’t important to anyone except me, but already I can see the benefits. The encouragement I’ve had along the way both in the comments left on posts and privately sent (anyone can email me at wordgeyser@gmail.com) have humbled me , encouraged me and spurred me on when I’ve been ready to throw in the towel and go out for lunch instead.

For those who have been beside me on this journey, who have taken time out of busy schedules to read my daily posts, commented and supported the goal, thank you. Being in an ivory tower is very lonely and without you there making me accountable the path would have been so much more difficult.

I feel so much better already.

A weekend away is what we need to recharge spent batteries and get the gas tank back up to full instead of running on empty, and I’ll be back ready to rock and blast my way through the last third of this challenge. I hope.